Woody Allen Redux

Ladies, I know this is a tough one. But now is the time to appreciate your past relationships. No matter how shitty they were. You learned something. You became stronger, possibly without even knowing it. You are still here. You are alive. You can open yourself up to at least one more heart-wrenching, all-consuming passionate experience. Think about what you've gained. You've probably gained a lot more than you realized and you've become the amazing person that you are. Unless you are still bitter and in that case, get the fuck out. No, seriously we've all been bitter but you gotta think about what good being bitter does for your soul. Not a whole hell of a lot. It's better to come out strong, kicking and fighting for your place in this world. Be it with or without your so-called soul mate.

I think about my worst relationships. And I think, well, there were some good things that came out of them. Like, my 5 year relationship with, we'll call him Ray. Ray was a chain smoker and a control freak. No one was good enough for me to be friends with (except for him of course!) and community theatre was below me. I was an actor just out of college and living in a city without much opportunity in theatre. We lived together in a house next to a graveyard in one of the worst sections of town. We worked in a used book store one day a week in exchange for rent. There was no plumbing when we moved in. No heat. No nothing. Just me and Ray and a house as dark and full of flaws as our relationship. More on this later.

Over those 5 years, I watched every Woody Allen movie, at least twice. I had forgotten how much I loved Woody Allen movies, having not really watched any since high school. Also during this time, I became an entrepreneur, starting my own rare book business which I still operate (on my own) today. And I read all kinds of great novels. Some recommended by Ray, like Down and Out in Paris and London by George Orwell, A Confederacy of Dunces by John Kennedy Toole, The Fool's Progress by Edward Abbey. And then there were the authors I discovered on my own, Amos Oz, Lawrence Durrell, Rainer Maria Rilke and my favorite Ellen Gilchrist. Ellen Gilchrist is a huge recommendation for spunky women who want to live life to their fullest. Trust me on this. She opened my eyes. And her characters are insanely charming, fucked up Southern women who will never bore the shit out of you. Looove her! She's become one of my best friends, like those great films: Annie Hall, When Harry Met Sally and Roman Holiday.

What do you take solace in after a break up or during your difficult and rocky times? I always turn to books, movies, music. I think we all do. Music is huge. I think that's going to be the next topic. But I'm curious what other women use as tools. As far as music goes, Nina Simone is a big one for me. As is Paul Simon. I think music helps us deal but it also helps us create. And creating during these rough times is crucial. Just know that when everything is fucked up, you are learning, you are becoming stronger and you can either use it to create something beautiful and powerful, or you can let it eat you up inside. I choose beauty and strength.