I mean, I do like pumpkin lattes....

So I have this friend who recently brought up the "Cinderella Complex" to me. This is basically the idea that women have this unconscious desire to be taken care of by a man. Our prince charming. Our knight in shining armour. Our elusive soul mate.

It's interesting, because growing up southern and living in a small town, I definitely think I was taught that this was what to expect out of life. Marry before you are 30, have babies, let the man take care of your financial needs and have a home in a nice suburban neighborhood and go shopping during the week.

I have constantly fought against this idea. But there is my family. Who I miss in many ways but if I was to move back to Virginia I would be artistically unfulfilled and deny who I really am. Not the way to go. But it's hard being away from your family and especially my nieces whom I adore. But I also have a fierce independent streak. The idea of living my life and being completely dependent on a man or anyone for that matter is so unappetizing to me.

Now, I'm not going to lie, as an artist, I would love to be more financially secure. The constant struggle to stay afloat and not sink to another profession is difficult. I'm just happy that I am secure enough in my talent and who I am to not let myself fall into another more cushy profession. Now, I do write and I do sing and I do other creative things besides acting. But I cannot imagine myself doing anything else because it's such an inherent part of who I am.

I like the idea of sharing. I like the idea of, if and when you meet someone with the same goals and the same ideas about how you want to live your life, that you share, become partners so to speak. But I would never want to give up part of my independence. It just isn't human nature. I think we all have things we love doing alone, by ourselves. It's finding the fine line between sharing and not sharing that can be difficult.

If anyone knows me, they know I love to share. My stories, my knowledge, my talent, my car (well when it was working), my dinners, my friendship, my passions, myself. I love making other happy. But I have also learned recently to make myself happy and to not give too much away too soon. This I am already finding to be a struggle when it comes to my new lover. My magician, I will call him.

I met him yesterday at the airport. An hour of time to just kiss and hold hands. I felt so comfortable, yet it was very exciting and thrilling. And then I sit and think about how wonderful the feeling was and how I crave it even more now. Being with him, next to him, it seems just right and perfect. But we don't know each other that well yet. And I have started to fantasize about the future. So I already know I need to pull myself back into what my goals are and my needs are. I need to just enjoy this amazing feeling and see where it leads. And hopefully I am not wrong in thinking it may lead to something really beautiful.