Guess Who's Coming to Boston?

Let's talk patience. For a gal raised by a dad with a patience rating between 1 and 0, I have an amazing amount of patience. Perhaps it's having watched my mother be the most amazing and patient woman I have ever seen. Maybe watching her all those years, I've grown accustomed to putting myself aside for the needs of others. God knows she did. Perhaps this seemed normal and acceptable in my eyes. Just the way of life. Now, I should mention here that my dad is 19 years older than my mom. I should also mention that the magician is 19 years older than me. And if we dig even further, Jake was 17 years older than me. And right before Jake, I dated a man 20 years older than me.

I'm not sure if this is telling, or if it speaks volumes about me. I'm not sure I've ever looked for a man of a certain age. Honestly, in most cases I have been pursued, not the other way around. And in these cases, these older men didn't know my background, whether it be family or previous relationships. And I never considered any of the older men in my life to be father figures since my dad was 44 years older than me.

And as I've said before, I've dated men in a variety of age ranges. I've dated men a few years younger than me, a few years older than me, men my age, men 7-10 years older than me, and men in that 15-20 years older age bracket. But I've generally been attracted to men regardless of their age. It just never seemed to be a factor for disqualifying a man from my life. You can't help who you fall for.

But back to the e-mail. I was sure I wouldn't hear from the magician for a few days. I was almost sure I had crossed into territory that would scare him away. I was sure he was going to tell me that it had been fun but he wasn't ready for anything more at this point in his life.

But I got a phone call, less than 12 hours after sending the e-mail. At first the conversation turned to small talk but then moments later he said, "So I got your e-mail."And shortly after "You just need to be patient with me". And now I am asking myself, can I be? Should I be? How long do I wait again for a man to put me as a priority? To be fair, his life is insanely hectic right now. He does have a lot on his plate. But I had gone to see him at this point, 4 times and he had yet to come to Boston. He told me he really liked me. He said things would settle soon. I do realize that whenever he is not busy, he is calling me. He keeps in touch with me regularly, so I don't question that he wants to see me again. I just questioned when, and how often is enough for him.

Then he called me Sunday night. He said he is coming to visit me this Saturday and Sunday. I was a little surprised but a little relieved. Hopefully after this weekend we can both figure out where this is headed. I can't keep falling for him and get my heart broken once again. I just can't keep doing this. I wish I could have kept it casual, but I just don't work that way. Something's not programmed in my DNA to allow that sort of safety.